Going From Simply Single To Wife Material!

  • February 14, 2012 at 7:22 am

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

I’ve got some great news to share with you on this day of love! I am in the process of finishing my 1st online book on dating and relationships: “Get A Ring On It: 10 Secrets To Go From Simply Single To Wife Material.”

Because you are my loyal readers and are always supportive of my blog, I wanted to give you a sneak peak of the book to be released this month. More details will be shared in the near future.

Enjoy….

Secret #3: Be Loving

At my friend’s bridal shower, the soon to be groom was asked why he decided to marry his future wife. His response was, “She loves me so much. I didn’t think I would ever find someone who would love me as much as she does.” His comment always lingered in the back of my mind. He didn’t say he was marrying her because she was the most beautiful woman he ever met or because she had the best body he had ever seen. No, he was marrying her because she was the most loving woman he had ever dated.

Men want to marry women who love them. Women who show them acts of kindness and are nice to them are the ones who they choose to take relationships with more seriously.  The first woman who most men have any interaction with is their mother. Who is more loving, gentle, sweet, kind and thoughtful than a mother? As boys grow into men, they look for women who can replicate this loving figure in their lives.

Initially a man is not able to tell right away how loving a woman is so he looks for clues: Does she smile often? Is she playful? Does she like when I touch her?  When a man can say, “yes” to these questions, the woman starts to peak his interest more. Then he looks for the woman to show she loves him in more deeper and meaningful ways. It could be making him dinner or ordering in food and having it ready for him after he’s come home from a long day of work. Picking up his medication and taking his temperature if he is sick. Even simply giving him a massage on a sore body part after an intense work out shows a man he is being cared for and loved.

But what about when the man makes the woman upset, does he still expect her to show him love then? Yes. A woman who truly loves a man will still find ways even while arguing to show love. She will try to fight fairly and practice not throwing personal shots at him. She will attempt not to go to bed angry as she will try to resolve their disagreement beforehand. In marriage, all things will not always be rosy. I have seen several examples of married couples at times when the wife did not feel her husband was worthy and deserving of her love. Maybe he made a major decision without consulting her, was dishonest about a personal situation or worst yet unfaithful to her in their marriage. But the amazing thing I discovered was regardless of these mistakes; underneath it all the wife still loved him. That kind of love is what truly holds marriages together. A man realizes this from the beginning. So he is looking for a woman to show him she can give him a love that is deep. A love that is unconditional.

Wife Material Lesson

 As a woman of wife material, it is important for you to practice being loving. Find ways to show your partner you love and care about him throughout the relationship. However, you don’t have to wait until you have a partner. You should first practice being loving to yourself. Because how can you ever love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first? It’s in loving yourself that you gain self-confidence and a feeling of self-worth. So book a spa day, enjoy a manicure and pedicure and even have flowers delivered to yourself. Whatever you need to do to help yourself feel loved do it. The more you feel loved the more you will attract love and once you attract that love you will be able to give it back in return. Thus is the circle of love.

Photo Credit: Pink Sherbet Photography /Flickr

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What Do Men Really Want In A Wife?

  • February 3, 2012 at 7:00 am

What does a man look for in a woman that makes her wife material? That’s the question Niecy Nash ventured to find the answer to in the latest edition of her web-series, “Let’s Talk About Love.” In this episode, I am featured  (in the red dress) with Niecy Nash, to share my opinion on the topic in this women vs. men “barbershop talk” discussion. Check it out for yourself here:

What Do Men Really Want In A Wife?

Do you agree with the opinions shared in this video? What do you think men really want in a wife?

 

 

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The Longest Seven Minutes Of My Life

  • January 25, 2012 at 11:38 am

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know I am the “Dating Guru” on RomanticComedyGirl.com. Well I’m so excited and proud to share with you an excerpt from Romantic Comedy Girl’s 1st book, “Dirty Virgin!” Her writing style is fun, fresh and funny. I know you will enjoy her book. In fact, anyone who purchases it today will receive over $2000 in free gifts during her Pre-Valentine’s Day launch. Who doesn’t love FREE gifts? So sit back, relax, read and enjoy. ~ Lasana

The Longest Seven Minutes Of My Life

Okay, YES, I’m being a drama queen. I know I’ve had moments in my life where time stood still and it was awful, but this isn’t that kind of blog. This is the kind of blog where the longest seven minutes of my life is when I’m staring at my toes, which are in the air, being smothered to near death… YES, I’m being dramatic again, but I’ve earned it! It all started this morning…

I was in yoga doing a shoulder stand, when the teacher told the class that 5 minutes in an inversion is the equivalent of a 20 minute cardiovascular workout. 20 minutes?!?!? I don’t know about you ladies, but I’ve been working out in a gym for over 20 years and there is no mixed ipod soundtrack, no episode of The Housewives of New Jersey being displayed above my head (even when there’s table dumping and hair being ripped from heads), NOT EVEN a hot guy sweating through his shirt on an elliptical machine in front of me, that can make working out on a piece of cardio equipment bearable for me.

SO! When I heard this magic bullet solution, I thought, GREAT! I will get an hour of cardio in daily, by putting “shoulder stand for 5 minutes” into my calendar 3 times per day. Easy peasy!

Here’s why you get this ‘great cardio workout’. Apparently, when you’re upside-down, everything goes in the other direction, like your blood, so the heart has to work differently to… I don’t know, I think I missed the explanation because I was so excited about my new ‘cardio epiphany’.. I guess it has to work harder to keep you alive.. yes, that’s it, for sure.

There is also an added benefit, for me, which is that in shoulder stand you tuck your chin into your chest, protecting the neck, of course, but also doing something to improve your thyroid functioning.. again, missed the explanation because I was so excited that I was going to improve my poor abused Type-A thyroid, with just 3 five-minute shoulder stand sessions a day.

Here’s what I wasn’t counting on.. when my yoga instructor said that everything goes in the other direction, he meant “everything.” Now, during my typical 1 minute shoulder stands in class, not “everything” has time to fall in the other direction… my D-sized boobs, for example. They move more like marmalade, so they never really fully went in the other direction. This is a good thing, because it means that the other 16 hours and 30 minutes that I’m upright, they don’t move downward.

However, after minute 2, I suddenly found myself being slowly suffocated as my marmalade boobs continued their slow decent… slowly, but certainly suffocating me.

Here, are just some of the thoughts that went through my mind during the last 5 minutes of my inversion as I was being suffocated to death by my boobs:

1. “Why the heck do I have to be such an over achiever?!? He said five minutes! Why did I set my timer for 7?! Who am I trying to impress!”

2. “How will I know if I’m actually going to suffocate and therefore should stop before the timer? Will I feel light headed? Or will I just keep pushing myself to stay inverted until the timer goes off, killing myself, in what is sure to be a puzzling death to CSI people since I will have fallen out of my inversion and it will be unclear as to how I suffocated.”

3. “Great! I have to cough.”

4. “Why does a cough always come on at the worst possible time? I mean, I never cough when I’m sitting alone watching TV. No, it’s always when I’m sitting in a car that seats 5 and we’ve squished in 6, and I’m in the middle. And you know it’s always one of those coughs that sounds gross. And all the poor people are trapped in the car with me, and I’m hacking up a lung, which I know is just a sinus infection because I’m allergic to my dogs and forgot to take my Singulair two nights in a row, but they all think I’m bringing back a contagious plague.”

5. “And what is up with those crazy coughs? Why can’t they be held in? (Have you ever tried?) I have! My eyes start tearing up and my nose starts running.. quickly like it’s up for a medal, so I’ve got streaming tears mixed with mucus dripping down my face and I’m trying to keep my cough in, which is causing the appearance of a dry heave… this usually happens when I’m in the center of a row listening to a speaker at a big conference, and the people on either side of me are bracing themselves because they think I’m about to vomit.”

6. “GOOD LORD, how many minutes have gone by, is this torture almost over?”

7. “Jeez, I really have to cough! What if I cough and my neck turns? I’m not supposed to turn my neck in shoulder stand. I can paralyze myself by coughing right now. Should I come down before the timer goes off?”

8. “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD, my boobs are literally smothering me to death. I can’t breathe! I don’t think I could cough if I tried. I can’t take a deep enough breath in to allow for a cough… How long until the FRIGGIN TIMER GOES…”

Cue “Cricket sound effects” (that’s what my iPhone timer is set for.. peaceful crickets)

OWWW! Being in shoulder stand for seven minutes hurts when you come out of it… man, I am a big complainer! How am I going to do this 3 times a day for 5 minutes?

There has GOT to be an easier way to get 60 minutes of cardio!

Jessica Sitomer is the author of Dirty Virgin available at http://romanticcomedygirl.com/dirty-virgin-the-book/

Today, Wednesday, January 25th, when you order the book receive over $2000.00 in free gifts during her Pre-Valentine’s Day Launch.

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What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas?

  • December 25, 2011 at 10:07 pm

I love Christmas music. It makes me happy and brings me feelings of comfort and joy. My favorite Christmas songs range from traditional ones such as “O Holy Night” to contemporary ones such as “All I Want For Christmas,” sung by Mariah Carey and “Let It Snow,” sung by Boyz II Men and Brian McKnight. However the Christmas song that inspired me to write this blog is, “What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas?” sung by the aptly named group the Emotions.

When mistletoe is all around and there seems to be no romantic partner in sight, Christmas can be a painful reminder to many of how lonely they are. For those of you who feel this way, I would like to share five tips on what you can do to make this the most joyful, loving and companion-filled holiday season of all.

  • Spend Time with Family and Friends- Many people travel to be with family and friends during the holiday season. This is because family and good friends surround us with the feeling of unconditional love. Embrace this feeling knowing that love attracts more love into your life.
  • Travel- While traveling to be with your family and friends this holiday season, take a look around. Who’s sitting next to you in the airline terminal or on the plane? I’ve known a few people who met their romantic partner while traveling. Also there are travel companies that offer singles cruises and trips over the holidays. Pack your bags. It may lead you to making new friends and/or finding that special someone.
  • Attend Holiday Parties- My email inbox has been filled with invitations for holiday parties from companies, organizations, individuals, etc. Chances are yours is too. Attend a few of these parties. It’s a great opportunity to meet people and you could meet your romantic partner at one of these gatherings.
  • Watch a Holiday Play, Concert or Musical- There are usually a variety of events happening during the holiday season. Even locally, many schools and churches have special events for the holidays. This is a great way to be entertained and meet people who share similar interests as you.
  • Volunteer Your Time- It is often said it’s easier to take your mind off of your own problems when you focus your attention on someone else. Many charities need assistance over the holidays from serving food to wrapping toys for people less fortunate. Helping someone who may have bigger challenges than you will allow you to refocus your attention and be grateful for what you have. Reminding you of what’s really important this holiday season.

With just a little effort, the holidays can bring you tidings of comfort and joy. Wishing you a holiday season filled with love, joy, peace and happiness.

What other ways do you think those who may be lonely this holiday season find joy and companionship?

Photo: Kevin Dooley/Flickr

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The Thrill Of The Chase

  • November 8, 2011 at 7:18 am

If you are single today, have you ever truly taken the time out to examine why? I once started a book course called Calling In the One: 7 Weeks To Attract Your Soulmate to do just that. In the first week, the author recommends you outline all of your past relationship patterns. These are reoccurring themes that have surfaced themselves in more than one of your relationships. Digging through my mind’s memories of relationships past, I realized one of my underlining themes was that I liked “unavailable” men. No, I don’t mean married men. But men who were not fully available in some way to me such as they lived in another state (physically unavailable), were recovering from a bad breakup (emotionally unavailable) or engrossed in their careers (mentally unavailable). I thought to myself, why would I be attracted to an unavailable man? Why wouldn’t I want to be with someone who totally wanted to be with me? Well that answer came to me as I was reading an email from Coach Rori this morning. It’s not that I wanted to be with unavailable men. It’s that I placed value in relationships that had a “degree of difficulty.” Essentially, I enjoyed the thrill of the chase.

This never really occurred to me because normally it’s men who are attributed with being the ones who enjoy the sport of “chasing” after a potential partner. They are the known hunters who enjoy the prize of capturing their prey. However, it seems to be a little known fact that many women are just like me. They too enjoy the challenge of earning the attention and capturing a partner who may at first seem unattainable. Naturally as you can imagine, there’s a major conflict with this situation. If a man’s natural instinct is to “chase” a woman and that woman only values relationships that have a “degree of difficulty” how will a relationship ever form? This explains why there are so many “nice” men and women who remain single. Their ability to be totally open, loving, kind, trustworthy, consistent and most of all…available, is deemed unattractive by many individuals in the initial stages of dating.

I truly believe in order to change things in our lives we first have to recognize what in our lives need to be changed. Darkness cannot reside once there is light and I believe once we place a spotlight on the patterns preventing us from having loving and fulfilling relationships our lives will change forever.

What relationship patterns do you recognize as reoccurring in past relationships? What changes are you willing to make so you can attract a loving romantic partner?

Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon /Flickr

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Should I Mix Business With Pleasure?

  • October 12, 2011 at 12:30 pm

When my business coach, Natasha Allrich, called me a few months ago to take advantage of an opportunity to partner with Organo Gold coffee company, I thought it would be a great way to create an additional stream of income while maintaining flexible hours so I could continue to write my blogs, audition and work on other creative projects. The concept was simple, sample out coffee to people who drink coffee and then follow-up with them and see how they liked it.

As I have been sampling people I discovered a form of payment I didn’t expect: admiration from men. Many of the men I have sampled or followed-up with have asked me about my relationship status. They comment on how they can see I’m a go-getter and want to know if they can take me out on a date. I knew that men liked women who were ambitious and brought something to the table, but I had no idea that seeing those qualities in action would be such a turn-on for them. Although flattering, it has presented a two-fold challenge for me: 1) When I’m working, I’m working. I’m not really one to mix business with pleasure and 2) If I was to seriously date any of these men, would they become insecure that I’m out flirting with other men instead of working?

After brushing off the last man I met with to discuss business, he reminded me that at the end of the day when I have the money, the nice house and everything that comes with it, what will it be worth if I have no one to share it with and I’m still going to bed alone? That hit home. Along with that, my mom is telling me I need to take my dating life more seriously. It just puts me in an awkward place. Do I expand my focus past business and date business prospects or should I continue to separate business from pleasure?

Has your love life and your business life ever intersected? How did you handle it? Was it worth it?

Learn more about the Organo Gold opportunity

Photo courtesy of Flickr

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

  • October 5, 2011 at 10:46 am

One night I was at a networking event and met a man I felt could be my perfect match. Over a pan of peach cobbler, we talked and I discovered that besides being tall, dark and handsome, he was also intelligent, ambitious and owned his own business. I was delighted to exchange numbers with him and even more excited a few days later to go out on our first date. He seemed to possess so many of the qualities I was looking for it was almost too good to be true. I didn’t want to let a great guy like that slip away. So instead of displaying my equally amazing attributes so he could also recognize how lucky he was to be with me, I focused on being an adoring woman he would never want to leave. Rearranging my schedule to meet, going out of my way to do personal favors for him, and initiating intimacy sooner than I normally would were several of the ways I thought would show him how great I was and why he should want to build a relationship with me. However it was too early in the relationship and he didn’t earn any of those privileges, so instead of feeling honored he took them and me for granted. Very soon I noticed that he was taking my kindness for weakness. It was at that point I realized what I was doing. Because I wasn’t respecting myself, he was also not respecting me. It wasn’t long before I started making myself a priority in the relationship also taking my needs and wants into consideration. After that not only did he start respecting me but our relationship began to flourish. Although we’re no longer together the one thing I know I have from him is his respect.

How many times have we compromised ourselves, values, beliefs and ideals so we could be perceived as attractive or valuable to someone we really liked or in order to maintain a relationship? I’ve seen so many friends be taken for granted and/or be used by others because they did not respect their own personal needs and wants. Therefore they were not respected. What we have to realize is people want to be held to a standard. They want to be held accountable. We as women and men alike all want to have something to work towards, build and achieve even in our romantic relationships. People treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated. When we don’t acknowledge and honor ourselves we rob others of really getting to know and love who we truly are.

Also once we are respecting ourselves, if the person we like (or in a relationship with) does not respect us then we have to honor ourselves enough to let them go. It is not worth holding onto someone who doesn’t treat us the way we deserve to be treated. Disrespect only continues to increase over time if not handled accordingly. It will never become respect on its own. Now is the time to consider what it is we really want out of a relationship and from the person in that relationship. Once we are respecting ourselves it sets the stage for a relationship of mutual love and respect.

Are you respecting yourself? Are other people respecting you? If not, what changes can you make today to increase the respect for yourself and from others?

Photo Credit: Nycstreets/Flickr

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Ticking Biological Clocks

  • July 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

In last week’s blog, When Does Settling Down Become Simply Settling, I discussed how many of my girlfriends are getting engaged and marrying men after only dating for a few months. Not seeming as enamored by many of these men, they were usually not even on the same level (financially, educationally, etc). I believe one of the main reasons these women have decided to go this route is because their biological clocks are ticking and they want to have children. Growing up in religious households most of us have been taught to have children within the institution of marriage. But what do we do as the years continue to go by and we haven’t met our “soulmate?” As a single woman we are faced with 3 options:

1. Keep looking: Hoping we’ll find “the one” during our child bearing years.

2. Get married: Find a man who will be a good husband and provider even if we may not love him, at least we will have our children the “right” way.

3. Find a sperm donor: Enroll either a male friend or ex-boyfriend into having a baby with us or purchase sperm from a sperm bank. This choice will most likely create a single parent household, but at lease we’d have our own biological children.

Reading an article entitled, “My Fertility Crisis” in the Wall Street Journal last weekend reminded me of how fragile a woman’s fertility really is. A healthy woman’s chances of getting pregnant naturally are 20% to 25% in her 20s, 10% to 15% in her 30s, and 5% in her 40s. As my friends enter their 30s, their carefree days of believing they have nothing but time have now been replaced with a sense of urgency to get married and have children. They are deciding to leave the romance in the movies and books and approach their love lives logically.  The phrase “I’m in love” has been replaced with “He’s a good man.”

Of course there’s always adoption and even freezing or purchasing donor eggs if we really want to be mothers but that comes at a high price and most of us have grown up wanting to have biological children of our own the traditional way. From the time we played with our first baby doll, we knew one day we’d have a real child of our own to nurture. Now as we begin to realize how limited that fertility window of opportunity is, the choice becomes ours to determine our fate.

Ladies- Do you feel pressured by a ticking biological clock? If so, how have you chosen to handle it?

Guys- Do you also feel pressured to have children due to age, societal or family pressures? Have you ever been approached by an ex-girlfriend or female friend to assist her in having children?

Photo Credit: Davhor/Flickr

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When Does Settling Down Become Simply Settling?

  • July 22, 2011 at 7:15 am

 

I always set good intentions when I go on a first date. My intention is simply to have fun. Actually liking the guy and feeling a spark of chemistry between us would be the icing on the cake. However there’s always a part of me that feels very disappointed coming home after a date having once again felt nothing.

Speaking to a friend about this last week, she explained to me as she has gotten older her checklist has gotten shorter and the emphasis on that spark or “butterflies” has become less important. “I’ve dated guys I had a spark with and look where that got me? I’m still single” she stated, “at this point in my life if I just meet a nice man who I can have my kids with I’ll be happy. If it works out, great, but if not, at least I would have gotten married and had my children.” Having been one who never wanted to marry for the sake of being married, this concept made me shudder. But as I started to look around at many of my girlfriends mostly in their late 20s and early 30s, it seems like this ideology is becoming more and more prevalent. Many of them are now only dating for a few months before getting engaged and married and marrying men who they don’t seem to be as enamored with or are not on the same level as they are (financially, educationally, etc.) which leads me to wonder, when does settling down become simply settling?

As the flow of wedding and baby shower invitations arrive in my mail and inbox, I start to question whether what I’m looking for is realistic. Can I still meet a man to whom I am attracted and share a common compatibility? A man who I respect, love and makes me excited to be around? Or as so many of my girlfriends, do I just be happy to meet someone who is marriageable? Although some times may be more challenging than others, I still believe the man I’m looking for is out there and not only will there be that spark, but he’ll give me butterflies. As for my girlfriends, I wish them the best in their search for love, marriage and happiness.

Do you believe settling down can simply become settling? Have you seen examples of this in your or your friends’ lives?

Photo Credit: epSos.de/Flickr

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5 Ways To Get A Date This Month

  • July 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm

On the 1st of the month my friend sent me the Ultimate Summer Dating Challenge. It was ultimate alright. It was a challenge to ask and go on 10 dates in one month. While many would find this intimidating, the idea of meeting 10 different guys and going on 10 dates sounded fun. Then the mind-chattering excuses came: “You’re too busy,” “Maybe you should try it next month,” “It’s already 11 days in the month, how can you get 10 dates?” “Did you read that correctly, YOU have to ask a guy out on a date?” “How are you going to meet 10 guys to ask out on dates?”  With my birthday being exactly a month away from today, the thought of being another year older and another year single did not seem very thrilling. So in an attempt to create lifestyle balance, I pushed away my excuses and decided to take the plunge and see if within the next 20 days (or I may give myself the full 30 day period which ends on my birthday) I can go on 10 dates. If you’d like to take the challenge with me or just like to get more dates, here are 5 ways to do it:

  • Online Dating- This morning I did it, I took the plunge and decided to join Match.com. Being inspired by my client who has been dating a guy she met on Match for several weeks after I created her profile, I purchased a 30 day subscription and created one for myself.  There are several great online dating websites, some are even free. For profile tips check out: 5 Tips For A Winning Online Dating Profile
  • Networking Mixers- I know you have received emails about these or have had a friend invite you to a few, but somehow you still end up on the couch at home watching your favorite shows on TV. Networking mixers are great places to meet like-minded people in particular industries or with similar interests as yourself, so DVR your favorite program and go to the networking mixer.
  • Meet-Up Groups- This website links individuals with groups of similar interests and hobbies. Comparable to networking mixers, it’s a great place to meet people who you share common interests.
  • Work- Where do you spend more time than at your job? While many people don’t advocate “fishing off the company pier,” I think it’s a great place to get to really know someone and see how they work under pressure as well as in a group environment. You have to be careful with this one though. Whether it works out great or it ends in disaster, there’s a major possibility one of the individuals will need to leave the company after the union happens. However many successful relationships began as office romances. Yours could be next.
  • Friends and Family- Friends and family members are a great resource in helping you find dates. Oftentimes, we just don’t let them know we’re seriously looking. Let them know you are open to dating and ask them if they know of anyone they think would be a good fit for you. Who knows you better than your friends and family?

These tips will assist you in finding people who are compatible for you to date. In the meantime, I’ve got some dates to go on myself….10 to be exact.

Are you up to joining me in the “Ultimate Summer Dating Challenge?” How do you find dates?

Photo: www.CourtneyCarmody.com/ Flickr

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