You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'Lasana Smith'

When Being Great Isn’t Good Enough

  • May 7, 2013 at 6:22 pm

I don’t have a short list when it comes to the attributes I look for in a potential mate.  However, my list of “must haves” and “nice to haves” are not based on quantity but quality. Some may think my standards are too high, but the traits I am looking for in another are ones  I believe are not only attainable but ones in which I also possess. Being spiritual, educated, open-minded, loving, supportive, cultural, fun and handsome are just a few of the characteristics I seek in my future husband. For me, marriage is not just about love but a lifetime partnership. This man will not just be someone I live with but an integral part of my life. He should be adding to and enhancing my life and our future. Therefore when I date a man I can’t foresee in this position, he either gets placed in the “friend” category or we cease being in contact.

The challenge becomes when I meet a man who completely fits my potential mate criteria, but there is still something missing…chemistry. It’s the most frustrating thing. Recently, I’ve been dating a great guy who on paper is my ideal man. However, after several dates, I have come to the conclusion that I am missing an emotional connection with him. How is it possible to kiss someone and feel nothing? To be caressed and feel numb? I don’t even dream, fantasize or long to spend time with him.

I mentioned my dilemma to a girlfriend who suggested I give it more time, “Maybe he’ll grow on you” she said. After a few months of trying, another friend seeing how frustrated I was getting said to me, “Why are you even still trying? As a dating and relationship expert, you should know better than anyone else that chemistry is either there or it’s not. You can’t create it if it doesn’t exist.”  Oh, but how I wish I could! Would dating a guy who has the majority of the attributes I’m looking for in a potential mate although I’m lacking an emotional connection with him be considered a form of settling or a mature decision for a secure future?

Do you also have a list of characteristics you look for in a potential mate? Have you ever dated someone who possessed the qualities on your list, but with whom you were lacking chemistry? How did you handle the situation?

Photo: Lasana Smith

Real Talk with Brookshire

  • February 21, 2013 at 9:00 am


This Sunday I was fortunate enough to be asked to join The Oprah Winfrey OWN recap show, AFTERBUZZ TV host Brookshire Lafayette  on the “Real Talk with Brookshire” show! We discuss what men and women REALLY want in relationships, the most important value in relationships and of course my upcoming book…Get A Ring On It! Check it out here:

* If you are not currently a subscriber, you’ll want to sign up now for FREE (see the box on the right-side of this blog).  I will be sending out some great relationship tips to my subscribers soon including a free chapter or two from Get A Ring On It!


Going From Simply Single To Wife Material!

  • February 14, 2012 at 7:22 am

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

I’ve got some great news to share with you on this day of love! I am in the process of finishing my 1st online book on dating and relationships: “Get A Ring On It: 10 Secrets To Go From Simply Single To Wife Material.”

Because you are my loyal readers and are always supportive of my blog, I wanted to give you a sneak peak of the book to be released this month. More details will be shared in the near future.


Secret #3: Be Loving

At my friend’s bridal shower, the soon to be groom was asked why he decided to marry his future wife. His response was, “She loves me so much. I didn’t think I would ever find someone who would love me as much as she does.” His comment always lingered in the back of my mind. He didn’t say he was marrying her because she was the most beautiful woman he ever met or because she had the best body he had ever seen. No, he was marrying her because she was the most loving woman he had ever dated.

Men want to marry women who love them. Women who show them acts of kindness and are nice to them are the ones who they choose to take relationships with more seriously.  The first woman who most men have any interaction with is their mother. Who is more loving, gentle, sweet, kind and thoughtful than a mother? As boys grow into men, they look for women who can replicate this loving figure in their lives.

Initially a man is not able to tell right away how loving a woman is so he looks for clues: Does she smile often? Is she playful? Does she like when I touch her?  When a man can say, “yes” to these questions, the woman starts to peak his interest more. Then he looks for the woman to show she loves him in more deeper and meaningful ways. It could be making him dinner or ordering in food and having it ready for him after he’s come home from a long day of work. Picking up his medication and taking his temperature if he is sick. Even simply giving him a massage on a sore body part after an intense work out shows a man he is being cared for and loved.

But what about when the man makes the woman upset, does he still expect her to show him love then? Yes. A woman who truly loves a man will still find ways even while arguing to show love. She will try to fight fairly and practice not throwing personal shots at him. She will attempt not to go to bed angry as she will try to resolve their disagreement beforehand. In marriage, all things will not always be rosy. I have seen several examples of married couples at times when the wife did not feel her husband was worthy and deserving of her love. Maybe he made a major decision without consulting her, was dishonest about a personal situation or worst yet unfaithful to her in their marriage. But the amazing thing I discovered was regardless of these mistakes; underneath it all the wife still loved him. That kind of love is what truly holds marriages together. A man realizes this from the beginning. So he is looking for a woman to show him she can give him a love that is deep. A love that is unconditional.

Wife Material Lesson

 As a woman of wife material, it is important for you to practice being loving. Find ways to show your partner you love and care about him throughout the relationship. However, you don’t have to wait until you have a partner. You should first practice being loving to yourself. Because how can you ever love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first? It’s in loving yourself that you gain self-confidence and a feeling of self-worth. So book a spa day, enjoy a manicure and pedicure and even have flowers delivered to yourself. Whatever you need to do to help yourself feel loved do it. The more you feel loved the more you will attract love and once you attract that love you will be able to give it back in return. Thus is the circle of love.

Photo Credit: Pink Sherbet Photography /Flickr

What Do Men Really Want In A Wife?

  • February 3, 2012 at 7:00 am

What does a man look for in a woman that makes her wife material? That’s the question Niecy Nash ventured to find the answer to in the latest edition of her web-series, “Let’s Talk About Love.” In this episode, I am featured  (in the red dress) with Niecy Nash, to share my opinion on the topic in this women vs. men “barbershop talk” discussion. Check it out for yourself here:

What Do Men Really Want In A Wife?

Do you agree with the opinions shared in this video? What do you think men really want in a wife?



It’s My Blogaversary!

  • May 20, 2011 at 5:00 am

Well actually it was on May 5th and anyone who knows me knows I love Cinco De Mayo! So when I decided to launch the blog, I figured what better day than on one of my favorite holidays. Over margaritas and tortilla chips, I toasted the blog’s one year anniversary and was grateful for its readers and continued success. New Years, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. seem to be days that many people become introspective and reflect over their lives and their goals. My blogaversary was no different. How far had my blog come over the past year? What are the future goals? And where do I as the writer fit in the middle?

Two years after being a featured “Single and Fierce” writer for the Tyra Banks show website, my friends urged me to continue with my own personal dating and relationship blog and thus was formed. Since then Love and Life has steadily increased its number of subscribers and has readers worldwide including countries such as Poland, Italy, Spain and Jamaica. It has attracted media attention which prompted me to establish myself as a “dating and relationship expert.” This allowed me to be featured in the LA Wave newspaper, That’s Life with Angel Tyree and BlakStar radio shows. Love and Life has also been featured in other websites, Fun Lifestyle Fitness and Romantic Comedy Girl. Embracing me as her “Dating Guru,” the author of Romantic Comedy Girl even went as far as to turn the advice from my article Summer Lovin’ into a full blown 5 day Love Diet. Love and Life also launched its first sweepstakes in March randomly selecting subscriber Kathryn Johncox as the winner.

With the Love and Life blog building momentum, my future goals have been to allow it to grow into more of a dating and relationship brand than just a blog. I’m excited about creating a Love and Life Blogtalkradio, Ustream and/or Youtube channel. I also eventually see Love and Life having its own fan page on Facebook and Twitter account. The blog is even starting to get me into dating and relationship coaching and consulting as I am now taking on clients to create online dating profiles. (For more information you can email me at In addition, I’m currently working on two e-books on the topics of dating and relationships.

With all the success of Love and Life, you would think I’d be filled with joy, right? Well I am, but the most challenging part of writing this blog is the fact that I’m still looking to attract the love in my life that I write about. It’s so depressing at times to have so much wisdom and knowledge on dating and relationships and still be single. Whenever I am asked, “Are you in a relationship?” or “How can you be a dating and relationship expert if you’re single?” I feel my insecurities rise up and want to cringe. However, I recently read a quote that stated, “Being single doesn’t mean you know nothing about love. It’s wiser to be alone than to be with the wrong person.” Therefore I push past those insecurities and share with you as often as I can, the wisdom on love that has been given to me and work on following my own advice so I can also attract true and lasting love.

Thank you so much for reading my Love and Life blog. I am thrilled each time a reader tells me how much my articles have enriched their lives by giving them clarity and perspective or as it was intended to ignite conversations on dating and relationships. I look forward to continuing to share my insights with you and hopefully soon my own romantic love in life.

BLAKstar Radio Interview: Love and Happiness

  • April 14, 2011 at 11:02 am

Last night I had the honor of being featured on the BLAKstar radio show with hosts, Shene and MeaLee. We had a great time discussing various Love and Life blog topics including, “Are Women The New Men?,” “Dating Tips,” “5 Dating Tips For Single Parents” and “If Engaged, Am I Still Single?” amongst others. We had so much fun I wanted to share it with you. It was definitely a hot show! Enjoy!