You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'Lasana'

When Being Great Isn’t Good Enough

  • May 7, 2013 at 6:22 pm

I don’t have a short list when it comes to the attributes I look for in a potential mate.  However, my list of “must haves” and “nice to haves” are not based on quantity but quality. Some may think my standards are too high, but the traits I am looking for in another are ones  I believe are not only attainable but ones in which I also possess. Being spiritual, educated, open-minded, loving, supportive, cultural, fun and handsome are just a few of the characteristics I seek in my future husband. For me, marriage is not just about love but a lifetime partnership. This man will not just be someone I live with but an integral part of my life. He should be adding to and enhancing my life and our future. Therefore when I date a man I can’t foresee in this position, he either gets placed in the “friend” category or we cease being in contact.

The challenge becomes when I meet a man who completely fits my potential mate criteria, but there is still something missing…chemistry. It’s the most frustrating thing. Recently, I’ve been dating a great guy who on paper is my ideal man. However, after several dates, I have come to the conclusion that I am missing an emotional connection with him. How is it possible to kiss someone and feel nothing? To be caressed and feel numb? I don’t even dream, fantasize or long to spend time with him.

I mentioned my dilemma to a girlfriend who suggested I give it more time, “Maybe he’ll grow on you” she said. After a few months of trying, another friend seeing how frustrated I was getting said to me, “Why are you even still trying? As a dating and relationship expert, you should know better than anyone else that chemistry is either there or it’s not. You can’t create it if it doesn’t exist.”  Oh, but how I wish I could! Would dating a guy who has the majority of the attributes I’m looking for in a potential mate although I’m lacking an emotional connection with him be considered a form of settling or a mature decision for a secure future?

Do you also have a list of characteristics you look for in a potential mate? Have you ever dated someone who possessed the qualities on your list, but with whom you were lacking chemistry? How did you handle the situation?

Photo: Lasana Smith

Real Talk with Brookshire

  • February 21, 2013 at 9:00 am


This Sunday I was fortunate enough to be asked to join The Oprah Winfrey OWN recap show, AFTERBUZZ TV host Brookshire Lafayette  on the “Real Talk with Brookshire” show! We discuss what men and women REALLY want in relationships, the most important value in relationships and of course my upcoming book…Get A Ring On It! Check it out here:

* If you are not currently a subscriber, you’ll want to sign up now for FREE (see the box on the right-side of this blog).  I will be sending out some great relationship tips to my subscribers soon including a free chapter or two from Get A Ring On It!


What Do Men Really Want In A Wife?

  • February 3, 2012 at 7:00 am

What does a man look for in a woman that makes her wife material? That’s the question Niecy Nash ventured to find the answer to in the latest edition of her web-series, “Let’s Talk About Love.” In this episode, I am featured  (in the red dress) with Niecy Nash, to share my opinion on the topic in this women vs. men “barbershop talk” discussion. Check it out for yourself here:

What Do Men Really Want In A Wife?

Do you agree with the opinions shared in this video? What do you think men really want in a wife?



DWT- Dating While Texting

  • May 26, 2011 at 8:11 am

Everyone knows about DWIs. In case you are one of the few who has never taken a driver’s education class, a DWI stands for driving while intoxicated. If you’re found in violation of operating any motorized machinery after or during the consumption of alcohol or other drugs the penalties including jail time and fines are heavy. However lately I’ve been wondering if the consequences for another “DW” should be heightened. Although this “DW” has nothing to do with driving, instead it has to do with dating. I’ve decided to call it, DWT or dating while texting. In several states, driving while texting is illegal, and I’m starting to feel like maybe dating while texting should also be banned.

The popularity of sending brief messages via cell phones to other cell phone recipients has rapidly increased over the past several years. It’s a major convenience when you don’t want to talk but just share information or a quick thought. Unfortunately, it has started to become a fixture in the dating culture and no one has come up with etiquette or rules for DWT. For example, how soon does one text a romantic interest after receiving their phone number? Right away? Several days later? Do you call before texting? Do you even call before the first date or should this all be handled via text? And once you start dating, how is a relationship maintained via text? Is text appropriate to discuss relationship issues? What about break-ups via text?

I realize that I’m quite old-fashioned when it comes to dating. I like for relationships to be inter-personal and feel that open communication allows for the best success. Texting can hinder this type of communication because the messages have to be brief (usually 160 characters or less) and you can’t always pick up the person’s tone (are they angry, sarcastic, joking, etc.). This leads to potential misunderstandings which can cause stress to a relationship or at worst, its dissolution.

In my own personal dating life, this has been displayed in many ways. I have met men at an event and given them my phone number. I’ll receive a text message, a few days later stating, “What’s up?” or “Hey.” No introduction. No, “Hi Lasana. My name is (insert name here). It was nice meeting you at (insert event). Would love to chat with you sometime. When’s a good time to reach you?” Nothing. Therefore, I’m left clueless as to who the text message is even from until we’ve gone back and forth a few times. I’ve also had arguments via text only to find out when speaking to the person later that I misjudged their message or its intent.

It just seems that DWT is now used as a way to be passive-aggressive or to give one “technological courage” as it often provides the texter confidence to contact or say certain things they would never be able to over the phone or in person. As DWT continues to increase, it is important that we as a society figure out how to best fit this new technology into our dating practices in a way that works best for all parties. Until that happens, if you’re dating me, please pick up the phone and make plans to see me in person.

What do you think of DWT? How has it affected you in dating or in your romantic life?

Photo: Mr. Thomas / Flickr

It’s My Blogaversary!

  • May 20, 2011 at 5:00 am

Well actually it was on May 5th and anyone who knows me knows I love Cinco De Mayo! So when I decided to launch the blog, I figured what better day than on one of my favorite holidays. Over margaritas and tortilla chips, I toasted the blog’s one year anniversary and was grateful for its readers and continued success. New Years, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. seem to be days that many people become introspective and reflect over their lives and their goals. My blogaversary was no different. How far had my blog come over the past year? What are the future goals? And where do I as the writer fit in the middle?

Two years after being a featured “Single and Fierce” writer for the Tyra Banks show website, my friends urged me to continue with my own personal dating and relationship blog and thus was formed. Since then Love and Life has steadily increased its number of subscribers and has readers worldwide including countries such as Poland, Italy, Spain and Jamaica. It has attracted media attention which prompted me to establish myself as a “dating and relationship expert.” This allowed me to be featured in the LA Wave newspaper, That’s Life with Angel Tyree and BlakStar radio shows. Love and Life has also been featured in other websites, Fun Lifestyle Fitness and Romantic Comedy Girl. Embracing me as her “Dating Guru,” the author of Romantic Comedy Girl even went as far as to turn the advice from my article Summer Lovin’ into a full blown 5 day Love Diet. Love and Life also launched its first sweepstakes in March randomly selecting subscriber Kathryn Johncox as the winner.

With the Love and Life blog building momentum, my future goals have been to allow it to grow into more of a dating and relationship brand than just a blog. I’m excited about creating a Love and Life Blogtalkradio, Ustream and/or Youtube channel. I also eventually see Love and Life having its own fan page on Facebook and Twitter account. The blog is even starting to get me into dating and relationship coaching and consulting as I am now taking on clients to create online dating profiles. (For more information you can email me at In addition, I’m currently working on two e-books on the topics of dating and relationships.

With all the success of Love and Life, you would think I’d be filled with joy, right? Well I am, but the most challenging part of writing this blog is the fact that I’m still looking to attract the love in my life that I write about. It’s so depressing at times to have so much wisdom and knowledge on dating and relationships and still be single. Whenever I am asked, “Are you in a relationship?” or “How can you be a dating and relationship expert if you’re single?” I feel my insecurities rise up and want to cringe. However, I recently read a quote that stated, “Being single doesn’t mean you know nothing about love. It’s wiser to be alone than to be with the wrong person.” Therefore I push past those insecurities and share with you as often as I can, the wisdom on love that has been given to me and work on following my own advice so I can also attract true and lasting love.

Thank you so much for reading my Love and Life blog. I am thrilled each time a reader tells me how much my articles have enriched their lives by giving them clarity and perspective or as it was intended to ignite conversations on dating and relationships. I look forward to continuing to share my insights with you and hopefully soon my own romantic love in life.

5 Tips for a Winning Online Dating Profile

  • April 22, 2011 at 5:30 am

Last week when interviewed on the BLAKstar radio show, I was asked about my dating tips for 2011. These tips can be found in my blog, Summer Lovin’. This week I wanted to explore what seems to be the most challenging tip, joining an online dating website. What is it about joining a dating website that makes so many people cringe? According to recent studies, 1 in 5 new relationships now begin on an online dating website. I personally know many friends who have met quality partners and even got married to someone they met from an online website. Although it’s no longer taboo to place our picture on a site to meet new people, I believe what worries people the most about online dating is creating the profile. Many people don’t know where to begin. What type of pictures should be used? What should the profile say? How does one attract the right partner? What does one do to attract the right partner?

Here are 5 tips on how to create a winning online dating profile:

1.       Display Smiling Photos

Showcase photos in which you are smiling and/or doing a fun activity on your profile. These types of photos will make you appear more approachable, friendly, and fun. You should be alone in these pictures as this profile is about showcasing you. Also make sure to share at least 3-4 photos on your profile.

2.       Have a Fun Heading

Besides the photo, the heading is the next thing a person usually sees before opening your profile. It should be a fun statement that piques their interest. An eye catching heading could be a favorite saying, motto or phrase. Just make sure that it says something positive about you.

3.       Paint a Picture

Your profile says a lot about you. Therefore share your best attributes. But to really make your profile stand out from the thousands of others on the site, don’t just write them out. Paint a picture. For example, if you are a caring person, instead of simply writing that, share an example of how you volunteer at an animal shelter on Sundays or how you spent many years of your life as a caretaker. This will not only make you seem more real than just words on a profile, but will give the person reading it something to connect with.

4.       Create a Vision of Love

This is the most imaginative part of creating your dating profile. What is your love vision? What would your partner be like? What types of activities would you do together? How would he/she treat you? Craft a brief paragraph and describe this at the end of your profile so you can attract your ideal mate.

5.       Be Honest

The entire reason you are creating this online dating profile is to meet someone you are compatible with. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Being honest on your profile is the best way to attract someone who you may build a lifelong love connection with.

Although I have shared these 5 tips with you, I know there are still many of you who find the entire process of creating an online dating profile overwhelming or are simply too busy to create one. In fact, I recently gained a client who wanted to use my services to create her profile. If you are also interested in this service, e-mail me at The first 10 people who e-mail me will get an initial online dating profile setup for only $50 (a savings of $25).

Do you have any successful online dating stories? What suggestions do you have for people creating an online dating profile?

Photo: Ed Yourdon/ Flickr