You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'life partner'

Creating The Space For Love

  • May 21, 2013 at 3:23 pm

We may think to ourselves or confide in others our desire to have someone special in our lives, but the question is are we truly ready for a mate? Have we created the space to share our lives with another? Many times we live such busy lives and say, when I meet someone, I’ll make the space. No, the time to create the space isn’t once you meet someone; the time to create the space is now. So when the person enters your life the transition is seamless. It feels right. Like a glove, the space within is meant for a hand to enter. The manufacturer didn’t think, “Well until I have the EXACT measurements of the hand, then I’ll make the glove.” Instead, they had the mentality, “If you build it, they will come.” You should have that mentality too when it comes to having a serious relationship.

One of my girlfriends was great at this! While she was single, she created the type of moments she wanted to share with her life partner. Oftentimes she would buy herself beautiful, fresh flowers or take herself out on a “date” where she would go on a picnic, the movies or even a romantic dinner….alone (which I know strikes fear in the hearts of many, but shouldn’t). However, she really took the time to appreciate herself. To acknowledge her value and self-worth during those times and the fact she didn’t have to depend on someone else to do it for her. When she did meet her husband, she was able to continue these great outings and share them with him. She didn’t have to find the space. She had already created it.

What can you clear out of your life to make room for your potential mate? What activities have you been putting off until you meet…the “one” that you should currently be doing? Think about the type of relationship you would like to foster with your mate and do those things now! What space can you create in your schedule to meet people and go on dates? Is your living space a welcoming, comfortable environment where you have the ability to nurture love and allow it to grow? Where would you like to share time with your mate: art museums, music concerts or a comedy show? Then don’t wait until you find him or her, go now! Maybe you’ll even meet someone special while attending one of these events! You will at least be meeting people who share common interests with you which could lead to a good friendship or a possible romance.

Creating the space allows you to realize that your enjoyment in life is not dependent on someone else but comes from within. No one else can ever make you happy anyway. Also, who knows, maybe your life partner will be perfect except he/she hates something you love: sports, the museum or never buys flowers. It will be ok, because during your singlehood journey, you have been assured that your happiness is not contingent on anyone else but yourself. This will take unnecessary pressure off your mate and give you the opportunity to simply enjoy being in love.

Photo: Mike Baird / Flickr

When Will I Find Love?

  • January 15, 2013 at 11:05 am

Growing up I used to spend summers with family in Massachusetts. My aunt and uncle were one of the rare examples I had in my life of a solid marriage. They met when they were in high school and when my aunt moved to the United States from Barbados, my uncle soon followed and married her. Neither one of them had done much dating but over 30 years and 3 children later, they are still happily married.

I greatly admired my aunt and uncle’s marriage and desired to duplicate that in my own life. In high school, I read various books in the area of dating and relationships so I could be prepared. There was no desire to date much; I just wanted to meet my life partner and get married. College gave me the opportunity to meet many guys who were my age, intelligent and had similar compatibilities but none of those relationships manifested into marriage. Then I started working thinking, “surely I’ll meet someone as I am working on my career who has similar interests as me.” That didn’t happen either. I went to graduate school thinking, “Ok, let’s try this university thing again.” Unfortunately, when you’re in a program that is over 90% female, it doesn’t give you many opportunities to network with men! Now I’m back in the working world again.

It seems that while I have been maneuvering my life in different ways to be accessible to my life partner, the majority of my other friends were finding theirs. The first five years after I graduated from college, I used to get about 5-6 wedding invitations a year. Although that number has now dwindled, I realize that several of my friends and ex-boyfriends have settled into marriage; many with children. And as I am currently dating, my pool has gone from several eligible bachelors to several bachelors who are now divorced, already have children, terminally single or over 40. Are these my new options? Did I miss the memo of when I was supposed to be paired because I never got it!

This feeling is an entirely new one for me. I was never the last one picked in a game of dodge ball (not the first either, but definitely not the last). I wasn’t the most popular girl in my high school, although I was on the Homecoming court. However as I survey the several pictures of my friends on Facebook with their mates and their children, there’s a part of me that wonders how did that become missing from my life?

I appreciate my singlehood and am a firm believer that everything happens in its own time. Maybe God is preparing me to be the best mate and/or maybe God is preparing my mate to be the best for me. Either way, I am still patiently waiting for my memo.

Do you feel you are also waiting or have you received your memo?

Photo: J_O_I_D / Flickr