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BET Experience Celebration VIP Singles Mixer

  • June 24, 2014 at 11:05 pm
LA
Mingle with sexy singles at the EXCHANGE in Downtown LA this Saturday, June 28, 2014 from 7:30-9:30pm. Also meet the Founder of Single Wives Club, Koereyelle DuBose and the author of “Get A Ring On It”, Lasana Smith.
For years, women have been hearing they should think like a man to get the guy of their dreams. Now, dating and relationship expert and media personality, Lasana Smith, has finally cracked the guy code.
While Koereyelle DuBose of the Single Wives Club prepares women to become WIVES. With over 11,000 Instagram followers, she guides women to happy, healthy and wealthy lives!

Free Giveaways and DJ/Afterparty following the mixer.

Join the fun this Saturday Night!!

UNLOCK THE NIGHT in EXCHANGE LA ON 6/28

WHO: Men and Women Ages: 22-44
WHEN: Saturday, June 28 ~ 7:30 – 9:30 PM
PLACE: Exchange LA, 618 South Spring St. LA
VENUE LINK: exchangela.com

RSVP: www.thesinglewivesclub.com
Discount Code: Unlock168 (Save $3 on your ticket)

Are Women The New Men?

  • January 14, 2014 at 1:37 pm

There is a new trend that is slowly impacting romantic relationships as we know it. A societal shift so monumental, it is changing the way women and men relate to each other. Gender roles now cease to exist as women are more likely to graduate from college, maintain their jobs and are increasingly becoming the breadwinners of their households. Conversely, Fox reality channel featured a series entitled, “Househusbands of Hollywood.” What’s going on? Are women becoming the new men?

While working on my Masters  thesis, I realized how much the Women’s Liberation Movement impacted the roles of women in the 20th and 21st centuries. What started out as a movement to eliminate gender inequality in our laws and culture soon became a complete transformation of gender roles as women were taught to be independent and strong. Women could do anything a man could do; possibly even better than they could. But where did these beliefs place men? What’s now their role in the romantic relationship structure?

It seems men are totally confused: “Do I open the car door or do I not?”, “Do I buy her flowers or do I not?”, “Do I pay for the date or do I not?” Every woman’s expectation of men differs when it comes to dating. However it seems there are still several women like myself, who prefer the old fashioned gender roles, especially when it comes to courtship. Let me give you a personal example of how this plays out today:

Recently, I met a man who volunteers with me in a group. He approached me about going on a date which I positively responded to. We settled on a day and time and I text him suggestions regarding restaurants we could meet. He text me back saying he couldn’t decide and that he trusted me to pick the place and he would meet me there. Being attracted to decisive men, I text him back stating I would prefer him to pick the place as I was just making suggestions. We went back and forth on this minor detail until finally I just ended up picking the place. He then asked for the address which I sent. Then he asked for the cross street. Infuriated, I explained to him that I was not 411 or Google Maps. I was trying to be helpful, but I felt like I had to spoon feed him everything and it was becoming a turnoff. He responded that he “liked a woman who could make things happen to her with her own ideas and plans. He could take directions too as it’s a modern world.” But is it? I don’t want to be with a man with whom I have to be the head decision maker. I like the role of the woman being the support and the help mate! Am I setting the Feminist Movement back by feeling this way or am I restoring order to gender roles in romantic relationships?

Please also check out a video from the Mo’Nique show that touches on this very same topic and let me know your thoughts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eF-2L7rBdmo

Photo: gcoldironjr2003/ Flickr

What? You’re Engaged?

  • April 9, 2013 at 11:30 am

Was on the phone with a friend a few weeks ago when the conversation turned to a guy I used to date. She said to me, “I saw him the other day. Did you know he’s engaged?” Stunned, I suppressed my feelings of dismay and confusion as I recently spoke to this now friend of mine about his current relationship, having even directly asked him a few days earlier, “Do you see this relationship getting serious?” His response to me was, “Yes, I could.” not “Yes, I have actually asked her to marry me and we’re planning the wedding.”

Several weeks later, I ran into one of my male neighbors. We often spoke about our personal lives when we would bump into each other in the lobby. We talked about his girlfriend and being the investigative person I am, I started asking him questions about the relationship. He told me him and his girlfriend had been dating for three years and had recently moved in together. Intrigued I asked him, “So are you thinking about marriage? Are you saving up for the ring?” to which unlike my friend above he responded, “Yes, we’re actually engaged. We’re clearing out our personal debt so we can be financially prepared for the wedding.” Again, I was astonished. I have had several conversations with this guy and never once did he call his lady his “fiancée” only his girlfriend. I had no idea the relationship was at that place.

There was even a time when I was speaking to an ex-boyfriend about the commitment level of his relationship when he referred to his fiancée as simply his “roommate.” How was I supposed to know he was engaged?

If that’s not enough, I have even started to notice that when my guy friends are engaged, they either will not display their relationship status on Facebook or it will simply only say “in a relationship.” Very few of my male friends change their Facebook relationship display or relationship status until they are actually married.

When a woman is engaged, it is a major deal. She usually has a physical symbol of her impending union to show and tell all of her friends and family and her Facebook relationship status seems to change almost immediately. However, from my observation, it seems to be the total opposite for men.

Guys- Why does it seem so difficult for you to reveal your relationship status as “engaged?” Is it because you still want to “have your cake and eat it too” before making the “ultimate commitment?” Is it you would like to continue enjoying the benefits of being single before you say your vows? And how is a single girl supposed to know if a guy is about be betrothed if he fails to mention it to her? Does she need to wait until after he’s said “I Do” to know the truth?

Photo: Lasana Smith

What Do Women Want In A Man?

  • February 12, 2013 at 4:22 pm

While looking at status updates on Facebook the other day, I came across one that caught my attention: “How do you date in 2013? It’s funny but we as people sometimes lose sight on the key ingredients of a relationship or a marriage. To find a mate anywhere, online, a club, etc. and be physically attracted to them and quickly jump in the bed but you really don’t know that person but because the sex is so good, then you overlook their faults. So what’s more important: physical attraction/good sex or moral values, let me know.” *

My first thought after reading this was, “Well I’d like to have all three!” However, as I read his comments, I started to think about my personal dating and relationship life. Which do I really choose first? There are several great guys in my life that I have platonic friendships which I greatly admire and appreciate their morals and values. They have the type of standards of the man I would want to marry. Unfortunately, I am not physically attracted to the majority of these guys and if there is no physical attraction, I’m not going to even look to explore the sexual chemistry. At one point, I tried to date a guy that although I wasn’t physically attracted, had the morals and values I was looking for. When asking one of my guy friends for advice on the situation, he told me, “Why would you want to date someone where’s there’s no attraction?”  I agreed and decided to look elsewhere.

On the other hand, I have dated men with great looks, whom I went on to have a powerful sexual connection, but after finding out their values and morals didn’t match up to mine, I broke it off. This was definitely harder, because then I would ask myself (and God), “Oh why couldn’t this work out? Why couldn’t he have had the same morals and values as mine as well?” Sigh!

I don’t want to come off as being picky and I truly want someone who is the entire package. However, sometimes it seems that the longer I’m single and the older I get, the slimmer the pickings. A friend of mine, Sharon, once emailed me this joke about what a woman wants in a man:

What I Want In A Man!     Original  List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring  listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man         Revised List (age  32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man      Revised List (age  42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t  drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers  punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man     Revised List (age  52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many  times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh  underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man     Revised List (age  62)
1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

What I Want in a Man       Revised List (age  72)
1. Breathing..
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet..

I don’t want to compromise what I’m looking for just to find a potential mate. However, I don’t want to end up being single and alone because I wasn’t open-minded enough. I feel I bring an entire package to the table, is it too much to ask that my potential mate does so as well?

How do you date in 2013? What are the most important aspects you look for in a potential mate?

* Facebook quote originally written by TK Williams and used with permission.

Photo: Seekaltroutes’/ Flickr

Should I Mix Business With Pleasure?

  • October 12, 2011 at 12:30 pm

When my business coach, Natasha Allrich, called me a few months ago to take advantage of an opportunity to partner with Organo Gold coffee company, I thought it would be a great way to create an additional stream of income while maintaining flexible hours so I could continue to write my blogs, audition and work on other creative projects. The concept was simple, sample out coffee to people who drink coffee and then follow-up with them and see how they liked it.

As I have been sampling people I discovered a form of payment I didn’t expect: admiration from men. Many of the men I have sampled or followed-up with have asked me about my relationship status. They comment on how they can see I’m a go-getter and want to know if they can take me out on a date. I knew that men liked women who were ambitious and brought something to the table, but I had no idea that seeing those qualities in action would be such a turn-on for them. Although flattering, it has presented a two-fold challenge for me: 1) When I’m working, I’m working. I’m not really one to mix business with pleasure and 2) If I was to seriously date any of these men, would they become insecure that I’m out flirting with other men instead of working?

After brushing off the last man I met with to discuss business, he reminded me that at the end of the day when I have the money, the nice house and everything that comes with it, what will it be worth if I have no one to share it with and I’m still going to bed alone? That hit home. Along with that, my mom is telling me I need to take my dating life more seriously. It just puts me in an awkward place. Do I expand my focus past business and date business prospects or should I continue to separate business from pleasure?

Has your love life and your business life ever intersected? How did you handle it? Was it worth it?

Learn more about the Organo Gold opportunity

Photo courtesy of Flickr

Pretty Girl Blues

  • June 30, 2011 at 5:30 am

While traveling to Washington DC this past month, I had the opportunity to join several friends for happy hour at an upscale restaurant/lounge called The Park. As we waited for our drinks to arrive, the men in the group admired the beautiful waitress serving us. “She has to be taken,” said one of my guy friends. “If she’s not taken, she’s definitely dating a football player or someone like that,” said another about the very voluptuous and curvy woman wearing a form fitting black dress accented with gold jewelry and black curls cascading down her back. “How do you know?” I asked, “I bet you anything, she’s probably single.” “There’s no way she’s single,” the guys agreed in unison. I wanted to ask her about her relationship status, but she was working hard that night and I never quite built up the nerve to inquire about something so personal. However it occurred to me that if she was single she was most likely going to remain that way that night. As if it was challenging for me just to ask the question, I know she would have been too intimidating for most men to approach.

This situation is all too familiar for me. In fact, this week my dad called and told me about a friend of his who revealed her son had the biggest crush on me before he got married. “Um. really?”  I said to my dad, “I don’t remember ever having a real conversation with him. I don’t even remember him asking me for my number.” “Well apparently he was,” responded my dad. Although there’s nothing I can do about the situation now, it made me think about how many men cross my path on a daily basis admire me and just keep on walking. Maybe they think I have a boyfriend or am even out of their league so they never approach me. They eventually go on to marry women who may not be as intimidating or seem to be more attainable. Leaving the pretty girl to marry someone she “deserves”: the business tycoon, the major league athlete, rock star, etc. Problem is there are not a lot of those men available and the ones who are also have to choose among their college sweethearts, groupies and the women who don’t look like gold diggers (i.e. also other pretty girls). So where does this leave the pretty girl? Oftentimes, alone.

There are times I have even gone out dressed down with no make-up and my hair in a ponytail just so I can appear more approachable to men. Usually it works. It’s just that it doesn’t always attract the type of men I’m looking for. In addition, I don’t feel like I should have to dress down just so men think I’m available. So what are my options? What are the options for pretty girls in general?

As a woman, can you relate to the “pretty girl blues?” If so, how do you deal with it?

As a man, are you ever intimidated by pretty girls? If so, what would you recommend single pretty girls do to be more approachable?

Photo: Lasana Smith