If you are single today, have you ever truly taken the time out to examine why? I once started a book course called Calling In the One: 7 Weeks To Attract Your Soulmate to do just that. In the first week, the author recommends you outline all of your past relationship patterns. These are reoccurring themes that have surfaced themselves in more than one of your relationships. Digging through my mind’s memories of relationships past, I realized one of my underlining themes was that I liked “unavailable” men. No, I don’t mean married men. But men who were not fully available in some way to me such as they lived in another state (physically unavailable), were recovering from a bad breakup (emotionally unavailable) or engrossed in their careers (mentally unavailable). I thought to myself, why would I be attracted to an unavailable man? Why wouldn’t I want to be with someone who totally wanted to be with me? Well that answer came to me as I was reading an email from Coach Rori this morning. It’s not that I wanted to be with unavailable men. It’s that I placed value in relationships that had a “degree of difficulty.” Essentially, I enjoyed the thrill of the chase.
This never really occurred to me because normally it’s men who are attributed with being the ones who enjoy the sport of “chasing” after a potential partner. They are the known hunters who enjoy the prize of capturing their prey. However, it seems to be a little known fact that many women are just like me. They too enjoy the challenge of earning the attention and capturing a partner who may at first seem unattainable. Naturally as you can imagine, there’s a major conflict with this situation. If a man’s natural instinct is to “chase” a woman and that woman only values relationships that have a “degree of difficulty” how will a relationship ever form? This explains why there are so many “nice” men and women who remain single. Their ability to be totally open, loving, kind, trustworthy, consistent and most of all…available, is deemed unattractive by many individuals in the initial stages of dating.
I truly believe in order to change things in our lives we first have to recognize what in our lives need to be changed. Darkness cannot reside once there is light and I believe once we place a spotlight on the patterns preventing us from having loving and fulfilling relationships our lives will change forever.
What relationship patterns do you recognize as reoccurring in past relationships? What changes are you willing to make so you can attract a loving romantic partner?
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