Was on the phone with a friend a few weeks ago when the conversation turned to a guy I used to date. She said to me, “I saw him the other day. Did you know he’s engaged?” Stunned, I suppressed my feelings of dismay and confusion as I recently spoke to this now friend of mine about his current relationship, having even directly asked him a few days earlier, “Do you see this relationship getting serious?” His response to me was, “Yes, I could.” not “Yes, I have actually asked her to marry me and we’re planning the wedding.”
Several weeks later, I ran into one of my male neighbors. We often spoke about our personal lives when we would bump into each other in the lobby. We talked about his girlfriend and being the investigative person I am, I started asking him questions about the relationship. He told me him and his girlfriend had been dating for three years and had recently moved in together. Intrigued I asked him, “So are you thinking about marriage? Are you saving up for the ring?” to which unlike my friend above he responded, “Yes, we’re actually engaged. We’re clearing out our personal debt so we can be financially prepared for the wedding.” Again, I was astonished. I have had several conversations with this guy and never once did he call his lady his “fiancée” only his girlfriend. I had no idea the relationship was at that place.
There was even a time when I was speaking to an ex-boyfriend about the commitment level of his relationship when he referred to his fiancée as simply his “roommate.” How was I supposed to know he was engaged?
If that’s not enough, I have even started to notice that when my guy friends are engaged, they either will not display their relationship status on Facebook or it will simply only say “in a relationship.” Very few of my male friends change their Facebook relationship display or relationship status until they are actually married.
When a woman is engaged, it is a major deal. She usually has a physical symbol of her impending union to show and tell all of her friends and family and her Facebook relationship status seems to change almost immediately. However, from my observation, it seems to be the total opposite for men.
Guys- Why does it seem so difficult for you to reveal your relationship status as “engaged?” Is it because you still want to “have your cake and eat it too” before making the “ultimate commitment?” Is it you would like to continue enjoying the benefits of being single before you say your vows? And how is a single girl supposed to know if a guy is about be betrothed if he fails to mention it to her? Does she need to wait until after he’s said “I Do” to know the truth?
Photo: Lasana Smith
