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You Can’t Be Who You Aren’t

  • February 5, 2013 at 1:53 pm

As a dating and relationships expert and television host, one of my dreams is to have a show on Oprah’s new network OWN. Therefore when the network created the “Your OWN show” search for the next TV Star I jumped at the opportunity. At 6am I was on line prepared to display my talents at the first open call in New Jersey. Despite being there so early I still received the number 928. I waited for ten hours to be seen that day. It was hot and humid. Many of the participants sought the refuge of air conditioning in the sponsoring Kohl’s store. After a group interview, I waited until midnight to receive a callback notifying me about the next round. That call never came. Making matters even worse, I later discovered that two people I knew had received that coveted phone call. Did they not see my intense passion, great enthusiasm and bubbly personality? I thought to myself. Surely, there must be some mistake. Maybe I didn’t fill out something right on the application or somehow my name got overlooked. I was born to do this!

So when they came to California, due to the prodding of my friends and family, I tried it again. For a second time I stood for several hours in line to be seen. When I told other participants in line I had already been to the open call in NJ, one person asked, “So you’re doing this again? Do you not feel like they saw you the first time?” I explained that I hadn’t and had so much conviction that I should be on that show that it was imperative for me to try once more. Although this time I felt like I had better positioning (my number was 262) and got more time to pitch my “Love and Life” TV show idea, I still did not receive my desired result….a callback. It was extremely disappointing.

Reflecting on the interview that day, I remembered the casting assistant saying, “I’m glad you ended when you did. I already saw what I was looking for.” It reminded me of something my hosting coach, Maureen Browne, once told me, “Sometimes hosts get down on themselves for not getting a booking. They think it is something they said or did, but sometimes it has nothing to do with that. There are so many factors that go into casting. Maybe they were looking for a blonde, you’ll never be blonde. Maybe they were looking for someone taller, you’ll never be taller. Sometimes it’s politics. All you can do is go out there and give it your best and if it’s meant for you it will be yours.” I quickly thought about how much this advice also applies to dating and relationships. There are so many times we are really attracted to someone but for some reason, as the popular book and movie suggests, they just aren’t that into us! “Don’t they see how charming, intelligent, witty and good-looking I am? How can they turn all of this down?” we say to ourselves. Persistent, like I was with the OWN open call, we keep trying over and over again to make the person see it. Every once in awhile the person does wake-up to realize the beauty that is in front of them. However the reality usually is they already saw what they needed to see and for any number of reasons, you’re just not the one. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re still an amazing individual. It’s just that you are not for them and they are not the one for you.

As sad as that may seem at first, realize there is someone out there who will truly love and appreciate you. Not just for all of your pleasing attributes but also for what you deem to be your flaws: the freckle on your nose that always annoyed you they will think is cute, the way you snore in bed will be the soundtrack they can’t sleep without, and the goals that everyone else thinks are crazy they will see as ambitious.

Don’t change yourself to be someone that you aren’t. Love and embrace yourself. Become more of who you are. When the timing is right, the right person (and in my case the right television network) will effortlessly recognize and appreciate your brilliance. Just have patience. For those who have it can attest, a love like that is worth waiting for!

Photo: Lasana Smith